~YOUR THOUGHTS
I am 20 years old and for the past year or so I’ve been involved with a 38 year old. He’s married. This relationship begun while he had been separated from his wife for two years. He lived in seattle and wife and children in egypt. However, 3 months ago his wife decided to move here and we attempted to end it. I still see him and love him. He says he’ll soon end it with his wife but he doesn’t want to lose his children. I truly believe he loves me. This past three month has been hell. I am at a lost. I want to wait but I don’t know.
~MY THOUGHTS
This may surprise some, but I’m going to give your married boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and say that he very well may love you. I’m not going to beat you about the head over just what a bad idea it is to be involved with a married man (even though it is … horrible, horrible idea) because I suspect that isn’t what you need to hear most right now.
I will tell you the truth as I know it. ”All You Need is Love” is a bullshit theory. So much more is needed to make a relationship work and you have a lot of odds stacked against you. A couple examples:
1) An 18 year age difference. Many say that age is just a number, but where you are at 20 and where he is at 38 are two entirely different universes. You haven’t been married (I assume), your life is new and young and largely unlived. He is married and has a family. Baggage. You have very different levels of life experience right now and though you may not feel it now, eventually these differences will present themselves and probably be quite difficult to handle.
2) Trust. Is this a man you can truly trust? I don’t have all the facts, but I’m going to bet that his wife is Egyptian. What earthly reason could she possibly have to move back to the United States, uprooting herself and her children away from her homeland? I feel fairly confident that she believes she’s a) here to work on her marriage and b) unaware that her husband has been involved with another woman for the past year. Can you really spend the rest of your life trusting a man who would allow another person to believe so fully in their marriage when he was just lying to her? Can you be sure that he wouldn’t do the same to you?
3) He’s not yours. He just isn’t. He has a wife. He has children. He’s unwilling to leave at this time, and in some ways I don’t blame him. If his wife is Egyptian, she will most likely be awarded those children and all visitation will be at her discretion. It’s the way Egyptian family court usually rules. He may or may not have known that going in, but it is the reality today. If you force the issue of him leaving, I guarantee you that you’ll be blamed for ruining his family and causing the disconnect in his relationship with his kids. I know that he probably seems perfect, but “perfect” doesn’t come with these types of entanglements and obstacles. He isn’t yours.
FAT-FREE VERSION: IT’S A BIG WORLD OUT THERE. WHY AREN’T YOU WORTH HAVING A MAN THAT IS 150% AVAILABLE?
