~YOUR THOUGHTS~
How do I get my husband to wash his hands more often?
My husband never gets sick, so he feels that hand-washing is unimportant. I, however, suffer from a myriad of afflictions, including, but not limited to; year-round allergies to the outdoors and indoors, a weakened immune system from my mother drinking, smoking, snorting cocaine during the time I was in utero, inflamed adenoids and tonsils, and a sleeping disorder which inhibits my body from rebuilding its immunity overnight.
The problems with his hand-washing are such: he will clean the litter box (3 cats!) and not wash; he take out the trash and recyclables and not wash; he will come home from work, where he is shaking hands and touching dirty car parts all day, and not wash. But, the worst? He doesn’t wash his hands before we make love. I don’t like the idea of him introducing bacteria/viral strains into my vaginal and anal area, and since he likes to have his fingers sucked, he will blithely introduce germs into my mouth.
Now, forgive me, but, I am not a germaphobe a la Kate Gosselin, nor do I have a hand-washing/cleaning OCD. I am a housewife so the germs I encounter daily are ‘our’ germs, but whenever I do go out of the house I am careful to wash my hands often, use hand sanitizer and always wash my hands upon entering the house.
I really feel as if my husband is taking unnecessary health risks by introducing foreign bacteria into our home through not washing his hands.
I’ve presented him with a lot of data and good arguments that are pro-hand-washing, and yet he does not seem concerned. That I nag him to wash only exacerbates the issue.
To cut out some of the problem, I use Chlorox wipes on our video game controllers, remotes, door knobs, tooth brush handles, cabinet and drawer pulls, counters and sinks, as well as their hardware. I am careful not to drink from anyone’s cups or bottles or to eat food that’s already been touched.
But, I’m still getting sick, and often! Usually just a cold that progresses into sinusitis and an upper respiratory infection, but sometimes it morphs into pneumonia or strep throat.
What advice can you offer me, to help remedy this risky situation?
Love,
Sick & Tired of Being Sick & Tired.
~MY THOUGHTS~
You have a much bigger problem than germs going on in your household. It sounds more like a struggle for power than anything. Handwashing is important to you, as it should be. I’m concerned that your husband doesn’t see the importance in basic hygiene. It could be a sign of depression or it could be an area where he feels like he wields some power in the relationship. If any party feels too powerless, they will tend to attach to some idea, concept or behavior that is objectionable to their partner as a means to attain perceived control in the relationship. Of course there is always the possibility that he just doesn’t have a whole lot of regard for you and your health and happiness. Step one would be to define exactly where his disinterest is stemming from.
You’ve communicated your feelings to your husband and guess what? He’s not responding. I wish that showing him reports and statistics and pleading your case would make it matter to him — it’s not working out that way though, is it? One thing that is the same about children and adults is this: Unless they are personally affected by something, there is no impetus to change. Sadly, your distaste, displeasure and health aren’t enough of an impetus for him at this time. Other than listening to you, and watching you be sick, there is no consequence for him if he doesn’t wash his hands.
On a more personal level, I think it’s a matter of cruelty. I think it’s cruel for pregnant ladies to use cocaine (addiction is a bitch) and I think it’s cruel for a husband to disregard your health. We count on our loved ones to care about us and help us find our way in this world. Your husband has a responsibility to be your partner…instead he’s lessening your quality of life.
If I were you, I’d stop talking to him about it. Your words aren’t working, he’s not responding to them. And since I’m assuming he’s over the age of twelve, you shouldn’t be telling him to wash his hands — the parent-child dynamic that occurs in many marriages is a death knell.
It’s time for action. I never suggest that a woman use sex as a weapon but I will always suggest that a woman respect her body. So a guy who changes kitty litter without washing his hands wouldn’t be anywhere near my vagina. To be totally honest, people who don’t care about my well-being, people who don’t cherish me, don’t get to be near my life.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you give your husband the heave-ho but I do think you two would benefit from some counseling. I can’t reiterate this enough: It’s about so much more than soap and water…it’s a lack of kindness, concern and respect.
FAT-FREE VERSION: Find out why, Demand — command – more and better, Value yourself and surround yourself with those who value you equally.
