~YOUR THOUGHTS~
Hi Wendie,
first of all, excuse me for my english, if I have any mistakes, it’s not my first language : ) Well, that being said, I need some brutal truth. I’m 20, and I’m a really ( I mean it, REALLY ) shy girl. I just had a boyfriend, back in high school. I’m currently in college but, since I’m really quiet and shy, I barely have friends there… Anyway, the point is, I’ve been talking on Messenger with this guy for a while, and I just… this is going to sound crazy, I know… but I do feel I just love him. He’s everything I wanted in a guy, even if I don’t know him in person. So a few months ago, he told me that he really liked me too, and we started to “date”. He lives in Canada, and I live in South America. So, honestly, how realistic is this? I know this can’t work… (right?)but as crazy as this might sound, I have feelings for him. He says he’s going to visit me soon, and that kinda scares me a bit. What if I meet him and we are complete strangers? I mean, do online dating really works out? I’m really confused. Any advice? 
~MY THOUGHTS~
Friend, yes, I have advice. I’ve walked this road and you probably won’t like what I have to say to you, but I’d rather give you truth over coddling.
First of all, can people meet online, fall in love and live happily ever after? Yes, it happened to me. I’m also aware that my story was very rare and the people in my life and my husband’s life were very skeptical. We were an exception to the rule.
If you are communicating through Messenger, you don’t know who this person is. Do you have his name, address, home and cell numbers? Have you spoken in person, do you know where he works? Have you Googled him? Because if it’s just online conversation, this person could be anyone. It could be a fat housewife from Wichita. It could be a pedophile from Paducah. It could be me (it isn’t).
I “met” someone on Messenger many years ago. We communicated quite a bit that way. I thought I had developed very strong feelings for him (I was 20, too). We did speak on the phone and eventually meet in person several times. Our “relationship” continued on and off (many huge off spans) for over a decade, but circumstances always kept us apart. Guess what? His circumstances came in the form of a wife and two kids. Almost everything he portrayed himself to be was false. He was a master — and there’s lots of them out there — at figuring out what I needed to hear and feel and preying upon that. It’s an ability, a gift and at the time, there wasn’t Google to help me get smart.
So, here’s the deal: If you’ve exchanged your stats with him (i.e. phone numbers) and are planning a real-life visit, this would be my advice:
Have him stay at a hotel. Do not have him at your home. Tell friends, family, etc. exactly where you are at all times. And most of all, don’t be disappointed if this doesn’t develop the same as the version you’ve formulated in your mind. No matter what you’ve shared at a computer, you are complete strangers.
The feelings you have now, the ones that feel like love, exist because this person gives you something your soul really craves. When you are behind a monitor, it’s so much easier to be open, honest and just share of yourself — isn’t it? Shyness isn’t such an obstacle. And I don’t dismiss what you feel — just remember, nothing is real on the Internet. It just isn’t. It can be a crutch, a fix, a high, but there is no replacement for real-life, face-to-face connection.
I wish you luck.
FAT-FREE VERSION: Get his info, Check him out, Reign in your feelings
